I can be a real asshole sometimes

I can be a real asshole sometimes

I'll let you be the judge, but in the meantime....

Here's something that may give you a little nudge in the right direction:

On a sunny sunday afternoon back in November 2019,

I got a message on Twitter from a weird businessman making interesting waves in the beauty market....

From his message, I could tell they were already doing well

But there was a problem:

Their plans to scale weren't pulling through

They had a line of high-networth clients they wanted to rope in

But all efforts for a closed door meeting proved futal

So we got on a call — him, his wife and me —

They told me if they could get just 1 of these folks to do business with them — it was going to be a massive win for their brand!

I listened and when I had heard everything I needed to hear,

And sucked enough info from their brains,

I told them to give me 1 week,

That I'd draw up somethin and send it to them.

I got home that night and wrote the first draft of a direct mail pitch (not your typical online sales letter) personalized for the Client Avatar they had been trying to reach.

— Each client would read the pitch and feel like they had a personal connection with the brand.

Only name and business contact of each Client would change

When I had the first draft outlined

I sent them the first draft,

They loved it — but wanted a few factual corrections here and there

I made the necessary tweaks and told them how to exploit the letter

  • — Grabber in a tiny zip-lock bag

    (those ones they put drugs at the pharmacy— but the smaller size)
  • —Packaging
  • —Delivery system
  • — Timing of Delivery 
  • —Pattern interrupt tagline on envelop 
  • — CTA card (NOT a coupon, but it's very close)
  • — Sample size for Client avatar 

Awkward stuff — But they took my advice (unlike you)

Mailed it as agreed without changing even a comma.

After the mailing, I promptly forgot about the matter

2 weeks later, they — man and wife — called to say the reponse rate was 75%.

They wanted just one — now they had more than what they hoped for initially.

And that one of the clients — who set up a meeting right away — even went as far as complementing them on the genius behind writing such a personalized letter and mailing it with such class and style...

Of course, the letter was written in the wife's voice

I had spoken with her and I knew what copy-tone and flow to use in the letter so it matched her vocal mannerism and speech-pattern in real life conversations — in person or over the phone

So their new Client giggling with excitement and awe didn't even know it was ghostwritten...

That's one of the things I learned very early on as a Copywriter

Matching someone's mannerism and speech pattern— with almost exact mathematical accuracy!

If I wrote direct mail for you — your mom would read it and swear you wrote it yourself.

It's not hard to learn

First — understand who it is you'r writing to (everything about them)

Then –– for the slighly awkward part

Clone your client's voice.

All you gotta do is listen to this person talk normally — unscripted!

Follow the tone — how it rises and drops — the altering of intonation inbetween –– how they transition — the emotional switch in storytelling— etc

Just pay attention — or even record the call.

Play it over and over

You'll know exactly how to replicate their voice in the copy

Whether it's direct mail or online copy!

And what about that my Client??

Well, as Jehovah Jireh would have it...

Business is now 6x bigger — They're expanding and breaking into new territory, even in the diasporan market!

I couldn't be more happy for them

They work so hard and they're so passionate about giving their customers an amazing experience...

The enthusiasm actually rubbed off on me after a while

It's why we've become like family today

After the wife gave birth

I paid them a visit and we broke bread together

Okay we didn't break bread in the actual sense but they prepared an amazing mini-banquet for 3

Lovely couple

Lovely clients

Lovely family and 2 beautiful kids

So what does any of this have to do with me being an asshole?

Well — if you think about it...

I've not written you in like 3 days or what?

And it just so happens that I disappear from time to time ––

Randomly,  no heads-up.... and no explanations...

In your judgement, maybe that's me being an asshole

Or not

But whatever your judgment is...

I think this time, it helps that I let you in on something that's been on my mind for a while now... (8 weeks and 3 days, to be exact) 

It's about a friend of mine,

She's married now and this may seem too private

But I'll keep her name anonymous and anyway you read my stufff regularly so it's no biggie

You see, after I sent you that email on Tuesday — March 16th

I got a call from D that afternoon

We spoke for 45-minutes

It was quite tense and emotional

And I knew the next time I was going to write you...

Instead of just talking Copy and going away in peace

I'd do something like this where:

I'm teasing you with gist and closing the email without a happy ending.

Do your worst.

 — Oh yea, one more thing before your rage takes over...

Whenever you have a hard time reaching a big client that's rich—rich and has bastard money, but is proving hard to reach

Remember you can always use direct mail:

— Imagine getting a DHL or FEDEX package with “confidential” on the inside envelope which has your full name and address

Without even seeing my letter,

I have your rapt attention

Direct mail  –– when done right ––

Remains the most effective way to sell to high-net (networth) folks hard to reach online or offline

Bonne nuit to you and yours.


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